Reflection

I'm sorry for not writing in so long.  I was home in Washington to say goodbye to my mom. This blog post is not Angle related, but it relates to my life and deserves to be said.  Really, it deserves to be said in some beautiful poetic fashion.  I am no poet, so my thoughts in a few paragraphs will just have to do.

My mother passed away on Sunday, July 1st, after a long battle with cancer.  She fought 5 different cancers and beat most of them, but sadly she didn't have the endurance that this disease does.  Cancer did win the war, but she won a lot of battles along the way.  Maybe we'll just call it a cease fire.  I don't think Cancer should get all the credit just because it had the final say.

I accepted long ago that this disease would take her from us and I have mourned that fact as her time became shorter and shorter.  She was a dedicated mother, a doting grandmother, an extremely hard worker and she was funny with a quick wit that I could never compare to.  She taught me that you do whatever it takes to provide the right life for your children.  She was never pushy or nosy or aggressive with her advice.      She let me figure things out on my own and gave opinions when I asked for them.  Now that she is gone, my sad thoughts will move on to reflections of a kind and loving woman who endured her sickness like she went through her life, with a smile on her face and her mind focused on her family and our needs.

Do I believe mom is sitting up in heaven watching over us?  No.  I think there are way better things to do in heaven than to sit and watch this world going around and around.  But I do feel her presence in certain instances.....I see her face when I look at my own, I see her wedding ring on my hand that looks like hers, certain things happen and I think about what she would say.  Even at the funeral service I had things I wanted to tell her about who was there or about which flowers I know she would have loved.  It's a hard thing to wrap my mind around, the fact that she is gone and I can't call her up or see her face.  It is even harder to believe that my children will never know her and the love she had for them.

There is no way to sum up my thoughts well or in a way that my mom deserves.  Life was hard on her and she fought hard to live it.  My heart is sad for her, yet it is full with memories and love for her.  She doesn't have to worry anymore or suffer through another procedure.  Her worries and hurt are laid to rest.

Call your momma today and have a chat or give her a hug when you see her.  Talk about a funny memory.  Then remember this day when you need it.  Trust me, you will.

I miss you mom, with a full heart and a smile.